We started as a lesbian couple, and together we journeyed through planning,
conception, pregnancy, birth together, and now we are embarking on the journey
of parenting.
We made the heart-racing life-changing decision to become parents. We
cried together each time we got a negative pregnancy test, and sat, holding
hands in silent awe when that second line did appear. We watched my pregnant
body change, we watched my belly grow with life, and in the later months, we
watched in move by itself in an Alien-like fashion! My labour was 42 hours
long, and eventful, and we did it together as any couple would. Again we cried
when we heard our daughter make her first sounds, a musical cry as she was
lifted from me. We have been covered in everything our daughter can produce! We
have paced the floors at midnight. We have glowed with pride at our daughters
achievements, laughed at her antics, and cried with frustration many a time.
In many
ways our journey has been almost identical to that of a straight couple
parenting together. We are parents.
But in
just as many ways it feels as though we, as lesbian parents, are worlds apart.
Recognition has always been our biggest challenge. Recognition that we are both
Jasmine’s parents, and that we are both her real mums. Sometimes, despite the
fact that we travelling this journey together, many people discount my
partner’s role and experiences because she isn’t related by blood. In QLD she cannot
be listed on our daughter’s birth certificate, and even though it is just a
piece of paper, it’s a constant reminder of the legal discrimination against
us. Some people close to us use this as an excuse to make comments like “well, legally
you’re NOT both the real mums, are you...”, which is scary and painful to hear.
We have been lucky, with professionals accepting us without too much question,
but we are scared of the future and ‘what ifs’... if something happened to me,
would they be as accepting then? Would ‘blood’ relatives get preference in
custody issues? What about school, will they accept us both equally as parents?
Will they try and tell Jazz she can only have one mum? We have heard of schools
asking gay and lesbian parented families for only one parent to attend
functions and meetings... what if that happens to us? We are hoping to send
Jazz to a Montessori school, but what if this isn’t possible...? When the
people closest to us, our own relatives, don’t always accept us as parents, we
can’t help but worry over maybe and what ifs.
At the
end of the day, we know that its love, not blood, that makes a family. We
shower our daughter in love, adoration and affection, she is nurtured, and she
knows she is cherished. We are both mum, she is our daughter, created with
love. We love her, and she loves us. Most of the community accept that, but
there is still some work to do. We started AlternaTykes Clothing as a way to
make change in our own way, to ‘bring out’ Rainbow Families. We hope that one
day we will live in a world where no one will bat an eyelid or look twice at a
shirt that says “Hatched by Two Chicks” or “Proud of my MUMS!”.
